When I realised I was my Wife’s PA

A year or so into our relationship, me and my Wife were at a party and after getting her a drink, one of her friends actually said to me ‘you don’t always have to do what she tells you, you know’. I was a little shocked and hadn’t realised that I had been doing ‘what I was told’. I thought I was being helpful and wholesome and all round nice guy. I was embarrassed to think that her friend saw me as a spineless and obedient boyfriend. I couldn’t look them in the eye again for some time. On reflection, our relationship has got nothing to do with them but for some reason I still end up being ‘extra masculine’ around them. I hope I can find a way to let this go.
After her friend’s comments, I brought it up with my Wife (then girlfriend). We had only been going out for a year or so and she thought I was being sensitive but apologised anyway. Nothing really changed in our relationship. I can see now how she had been training me from the very beginning. And I didn’t know it. Everything from how to open taxi doors for her, what I wore, how I cleaned her flat (I moved in with her), getting her drinks, doing her errands. I brought her friend’s comment up again (and how I was being treated like a PA) a few more times over the next couple of years resulting in mini-arguments. I wish I hadn’t because she had to become more delicate in the way she asked me to do things and eventually stopped asking me to do some other things incase I got defensive. Which is exactly why one of my ‘New Year’s resolutions’ is to do what she tells me with a smile so she knows she can delegate to me more without me arguing back or bringing it up later. 
After 5 years together, and getting married, her training worked and she broke me. I submitted by telling her that I viewed her as head of the household. She obviously knew that herself already but appreciated me accepting it. And I have gone on to actually enjoy being the subservient spouse. There is less stress and I always have a smarter and stronger person to guide me and tell me what to do. I wish I had understood this earlier. But perhaps that’s part of the process. She had to break me so I would view her as the dominant partner. And now I feel a pride that she gave me her Surname and that I get to call myself Mr ‘Her Surname’.   

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